Our Monthly Newsletter
Helpful tips for family caregivers

Supporting those in grief during the holidays

In past newsletters, we’ve talked about the holiday blues as you anticipate a loved one’s final season. This year, we present touchstones for coping with the holidays after a loss. For instance, you may be comforting your mother as both you and she grieve your father’s absence. Or you may be expecting a visit from a bereaved aunt or uncle.

This is a fragile time of year. Use these tips to help support your loved ones through the season.

• Speak up. Let your relative know that you are thinking about his or her loss. And that you are aware the holidays may trigger difficult feelings. Your words give them permission to talk about what’s hard.
• Listen. Provide opportunities for your loved one to tell you about the memories and feelings that are arising. Retelling stories is a necessary part of healthy grieving.
• Allow. Let your relative decide how to celebrate the holidays. Some people prefer to follow their old traditions. Others want to do things in entirely new ways.
• Ask. If your relative is expected at a family gathering, ask if he or she would like anything special to be done, perhaps in honor of the person who died. Likewise, ask if there is anything they particularly want to avoid.
• Offer. Let your loved one know that you are available to assist with shopping, decorating, or any tasks of the season.
• Invite. Think of opportunities for your family member to join you. Perhaps for sharing a special meal or attending a holiday concert.
• Donate. Make a monetary donation in memory of the loved one who died. Or ask your relative to participate with you in a volunteer project that honors the person who is gone. Giving to others is often healing.

Above all, reassure your loved one (and remind yourself!) that an upwelling of sadness during the holidays is a normal part of the grieving process.

Tips for air travel

Is your older relative traveling by air anytime soon? Use these suggestions for an easier, less confusing trip.

Preflight planning

• Check in with the doctor. Get an “okay” for travel by air. Ask for a note to support the need for early boarding, a wheelchair, or any other special assistance.
• Book by phone. Look for nonstop flights at less crowded times: midday and midweek. Get a seat with easy access to the lavatory. Ask about help with check-in, security, boarding, and for wheelchairs at both airports, if needed.
• Prepare carry-on items. Put nametags on all carry-on items, including a cane or walker. Don’t forget dignity items such as briefs, wipes, or a change of undergarments. Gather health insurance card, doctor contact information, and a current list of medications. Keep all medications in a separate baggie in their original bottles.
• Contact TSA. Older travelers are allowed to have one person help them to the gate. Call the Transportation Security Administration’s hotline (855-787-2227) at least 72 hours ahead of travel to request airport support through security or to meet your family member at the gate upon arrival.

Day-of-travel assistance

• Facilitate check-in and security screening. Persons 75 years of age or older do not have to remove shoes or light jackets during security screening. Be sure you have your own government-issued identification if you will be escorting your relative to the gate.
• Ensure comfort in the air. A head pillow, layered clothing, and gum for takeoff and landing are very helpful.
• Support arrival. Have your relative wait to deplane after other passengers. That makes it easier for airline staff to provide assistance. If you have arranged to meet him or her at the gate, arrive an hour early to get through security. Don’t forget to bring your own ID!